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5 fictional bars we wish were real (and what we’d order)


Read time 4 Mins

Posted 06 Jul 2023

By
Dimitri Tricolas


Okay, so we can’t live in Ted Lasso-land, but we can enjoy a chocolate stout at home.

There’s no shortage of great watering holes in Australia. Our cities are home to lovable dive bars, fancy joints that lay the luxe on thick, and everything in between. In the suburbs, nothing beats the local for a neighbourly knock-off and a good yarn. And in the country, the top pub epitomises our discerning palate for a cold beer and good, honest grub. And yet, we can still think of a few places we’d (occasionally) rather order a round at.

Don’t worry, we’d never swap our homegrown drinking establishments for another’s. We’re talking about the fictional bars we wish were real – the ones that only exist on the silver screen and in our fantasies. With so many great places to put on our itinerary, narrowing down the list was hard. After much-spirited debate, here are the five fictional bars we all agreed we’d love to visit, and the drinks we’d order there if we could.

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A Boilermaker at Kavanaugh’s

If you haven’t seen The Wire yet, do yourself a favour and change that immediately (all five seasons are on Binge). A crown jewel of the ‘Golden Age of Television’, The Wire stands up to this day as one of the best series of all time for its blistering (and often witty) analysis of crime, capitalism, cops and corruption. Set in 1990s Baltimore, it’s the bar of the boys in blue – Kavanaugh’s Irish Pub – that earns our envy. Serving as the backdrop for wildly out-of-hand police wakes (seriously), you can practically smell the place through the screen. A Boilermaker is a must here. Grab yourself a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey, serve a nip alongside a glass of VB and settle in for a spot of TV’s finest.

Snake Juice at The Snakehole Lounge

After a long day of small-town bureaucracy and workplace shenanigans, who could blame the Pawnee Parks Department staffers for wanting to drop by “Pawnee’s sickest nightclub”? We’re talking about The Snakehole Lounge from cult comedy Parks and Recreation, of course. Its proprietor – Tom Haverford AKA Darwish Sabir Ismail Gani AKA Aziz Ansari – gave us plenty of signature drinks, but none earned the reluctant affection of Ron Swanson and his mighty mo’ quite like Snake Juice. And guess what? It’s basically just a White Russian. We’ll take ours with Seven Season Native Yam Vodka, Kahlua (of course) and a cherry on top. 
A bottle of Seven Season Native Yam Vodka and Kahlua, and a scene from Parks and Recreation

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Chocolate stout at The Crown & Anchor

Jason Sudeikis hasn’t always played the good guy, but his role as AFC Richmond’s under-qualified but over-enthusiastic new head coach was his most heartwarming to date. Ted Lasso debuted at a time when the world needed a tear-jerking pep talk, and nobody does ’em better than Coach Ted. He even managed to win over the died-in-the-wool soccer fans at his local pub, The Crown & Anchor. With the FIFA 2023 Women’s World Cup heading to Aussie shores, this is one pub where we’d love to get behind our Matildas. Footy on the telly and a cold glass of Young’s Double Chocolate Stout? Yes, please! Infused with real dark chocolate, this luxuriously decadent brew is as heart-warming as Ted Lasso himself.

Tequila at Joe’s

Grey’s Anatomy is the kind of show you can watch over and over and over again. With season 20 currently in production, we can’t think of anything better to fall back in love with than this all-time fave. Mind you, there have been some changes since season one hit our screens in 2005 – Sandra Oh and Katherine Heigl are long gone – but leading lady Ellen Pompeo has stuck it out. Of course, it was the whirlwind romance of Ellen’s titular character Meredith Grey and Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd (played by Patrick Dempsey) that got us all hooked to begin with. And true fans will know it all started over a glass of tequila at Emerald City Bar, AKA “Joe’s Bar”. Now, we can’t promise you your own epic love story, but we can vouch for the loveable charms of Cazcabel Blanco Tequila. Made with 100% blue weber agave, Cazcabel Blanco is fresh, light and as smooth as Dr McDreamy during a code blue.
A scene from Grey's Anatomy and a bottle of Cazcabel Tequila

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Pump-tinis with a few bottles of its ingredients, including Veuve Capet

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Pump-tinis at Sur

Okay, so SUR isn’t technically a fictional bar. Deal with it. We love it so much we had to include it – and unless you’re en route to LA anytime soon, it may as well be a fantasy. Playing backdrop to perhaps the greatest scene in all of Vanderpump Rules lore, this West Hollywood watering hole is owned by Real Housewives alumni Lisa Vanderpump, and its secret menu concoction is the star of the show. The Pump-tini features muddled raspberries and vodka (we use Veuve Capet) alongside its most crucial ingredient, Pavan Liqueur. Made from grapes and orange blossom, this aromatic tonic is what makes a Pump-tini… a Pump-tini. Delicious, and Jennifer Lawrence’s go-to order, apparently. 
image credits: Jae Jun Kim