NOW EXPERIENCING:Caretaker’s Cottage

Read time 4 Mins

Posted 25 Jul 2022

By
Michael Harden


Behind the bar at Melbourne's Caretaker Cottage

A masterclass in attention to detail, this tiny bar in a heritage blue-stone cottage brings the quality good times, from drinks and snacks to service and comfort.

The stunning interiors of Caretaker's Cottage
Why you goThe owners of Caretaker’s Cottage get a thousand bonus points simply for taking on a building more than a hundred years old (the former cottage for the caretaker at adjacent Wesley Place church) and completely nailing the blend of old and new. Rob Libecans, Ryan Noreiks and Matt Stirling, who refer to Caretaker’s as “probably Victoria’s smallest pub”, resisted turning the tiny 50-capacity space into a stuffy museum piece, instead opting for a crisp, clean-lined but cosy approach. It’s all elegant statement wallpaper, bespoke joinery and leather banquettes with an all-vinyl soundtrack played through handcrafted speakers, their sound as warm as the hospitality. Further points for the menu that, like the space, is compact without feeling cramped and pays careful attention to details and quality, whether you’re talking beer, wine, cocktails or snacks. Given the size of the place – it’s just two rooms and a standing room-only hallway where ledges provide somewhere to put your drink or lean on – you may have to wait for a place to come free inside, but there are worse places to queue than the pleasantly landscaped surrounds of a heritage Gothic Revival-style church. It’s one of the most singular venues in Melbourne’s CBD and one of the most civilised. And having recently snapped up spot number 60 on the World's 50 Best Bars list for 2022, people are noticing.
Why you stay Caretaker’s Cottage is one of those bars that puts you at ease from the moment you walk through the door. It starts with the cheery greeting – the bartenders manage to keep smiling, chilled and attentive no matter how busy the place gets – followed up with sound advice on what to drink, how to navigate the menu and excellent suggestions should you not find the cocktail you’re after on the eight-strong list. You’re in safe hands. There’s also a “something for everybody” approach that means you can order a pint of Guinness on tap, a Sailor’s Grave Dry-Hopped Raspberry and Elderflower grisette, a Belgian-style farmhouse ale, or a zero-alcohol pale ale from Beechworth’s Bridge Road. Then there’s filter coffee for those needing to put a pep in their step, more solid options for designated drivers, a snack list that includes crisps of the day and an ambience that conjures a particularly well-run house party – one that may have you happily lingering longer than intended.
The striking wallpaper at Caretaker’s Cottage in Melbourne
A Martini at Caretaker’s Cottage in Melbourne
What drink to order Martini fans should not miss the Caretaker’s Cottage house number. It’s made with Plymouth gin, pre-mixed and expertly diluted and served from the freezer with a choice of olives, lemon twist (recommended) or baby pickled onions. The pre-mixing not only cuts down on the wait time, but assures you of a perfectly chilled Martini that’s clean, elegant and invigorating.
What to pair it with The Caretaker’s Cottage snack list never pretends to be a stand-in for dinner, but it ticks all the bar-snack boxes, whether you’re after quality bread from Falco Bakery served with an excellent fennel-seed butter, a plate of house-made pickles, a bowl of cashews or delicious razor clams teamed with parsley oil and preserved lemon. There’s a small selection of meats, a few well-tended cheeses (including brilliant cheddar from Tasmanian producer Pyengana Dairy) and a cheesy Welsh rarebit toast that all help keep the wolf from the door until you move on to dinner.
One of the dishes at Caretaker’s Cottage in Melbourne
Wine Bottles on shelf at Caretaker’s Cottage
Regular’s tip Space is both limited and coveted at Caretaker’s Cottage, so if you’re intent on getting a seat, you’ll need to be here early before all the perches are taken. Doors open at 4:00pm, so arrive before 4:30pm, particularly if you’re after a spot on the very comfortable banquette.
Don’t leave withoutChecking in with the bartenders about what wine is being poured by the glass. The list here is tight and constantly changing to feature more small Australian producers. Some of the bottles available may not make the printed list so if the syrah from Metcalfe producer Gravity Wine Co, say, is not quite what you’re in the mood for, ask to see what else they have opened behind the bar.
Who to take Unless you don’t mind getting on the nerves of everybody in the joint, this is not the place to come with 10 of your most rowdy pals. It is, on the other hand, a superb date-night venue and a good one for catching up with all the news from those friends you haven’t seen since before lockdown.