Johnny talks singlets at the dinner table, trusting the house wine, and who should be in charge of ordering.
In case you missed it, the Sooshi Mango men (the comedy trio made up of brothers Joe and Carlo Salanitri, and best mate Andrew Manfre) opened a restaurant, and just like their phenomenal wine range, it's called Johnny, Vince & Sam's. Oh, and it's in Carlton – Melbourne’s Little Italy. Naturally.
A quick scan of the menu is enough to remind you that these boys don't do anything by halves. Expect to find Italian home-style classics like orecchiette with potato and broccoli, and homemade gnocchi with sugo, alongside more traditional trattoria fare like clam tagliatelle and veal cotoletta. And it's all "farkena fresh", according to the trio.
As if juggling a new restaurant and wine label wasn't enough, the comedians were midway through their US tour when we asked them for some advice on dining out. Alas, when Hollywood calls, one must answer, so we had to settle for the wise words of one of their leading characters instead. So, here’s Sooshi Mango’s guide to dining out as told to us by Johnny, as played by Joe.
Although some prefer to leave the ordering to one seasoned pro, Johnny favours a more consultative process. Or as he puts it: “Never trust no one with your food. This-a way you no get surprise with the bill.” Sharing is encouraged where appropriate (think: antipasti), but some dishes are simply better enjoyed solo according to Johnny. “When it comes to my plate of pasta, no touch.”
Beyond these preliminary politics, how you choose to eat is totally up to you, says Johnny. He’s not fussed about some of the behaviours that get others in a tizzy – like putting cheese on seafood pasta or ordering a steak well done. “As long as-a go in your mouth, and you no look like-a pig, there is-a no rule.” And don't be afraid to order more bread to mop up your plate. “If there is-a sauce, and there is-a bread, it’s-a mean scarpetta,” he says.
Johnny encourages you to choose whatever wine you like to go with what you’re eating – you do you. Although if you want to make sure they pair well, we’ve got a few simple rules you can follow.
In his view, there’s nothing wrong with ordering the house wine – ”Vino di casa? Yes, why not. But you must make sure it passes the test: if no taste like-a vinegar, and looks good when you hold it up to the light, it’s okay to try.” We agree (though we might use different words), especially at a place where plenty of thought has gone into the whole offering, you can trust the staff to do you right.
Where he does come down hard (unsurprisingly) is that Johnny, Vince, and Sam’s Vino is great for every occasion. “We make the best farkin’ wine. You buy our Johnny, Vince, and Sam’s sangiovese, moscato, prosecco or rosé. It’s-a all number one.”
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Nobody wants to be caught dead doing the mime cheque-sign thing when it comes time to pay. After all, there are more efficient ways to attract a waiter's attention, according to Johnny. "Yelling across the restaurant always works," he says (don't do that, we say).
As for the actual payment, some cunning might be required if your mates are anything like Johnny's. "After three hours of yelling and screaming about who is-a going to pay the bill, one of us will win by paying on the way back from the toilet," he says. "If I invite you, I pay. If you invite me, I pay." With some twisting, we think even Johnny could be convinced to split the bill or let someone else pay if they offer (two options we think are totally fine), but a tip is his non-negotiable. "I always give-a tip. I always tell them you should put chicken manure on your tomatoes in your backyard-a," he says. Good one, Johnny.
If you plan on visiting Johnny, Vince & Sam’s, follow the advice above as you see fit, but don’t ever break Johnny’s cardinal rule: comparing the food to Nonna’s. “Nobody is-a better than my nonna!”
