Delicious drinks, no roses required (except maybe petals as a garnish).

Valentine’s Day isn’t exactly everyone’s cup of rosé. Between the red roses, heart-shaped snacks and sea of pink, we don’t blame you if you feel like skipping the most lovey-dovey day of the year.

If you’ve already queued Spotify’s masterpiece that is the ‘anti-Valentine’s Day’ playlist (Siri, play ‘Exes’ by Tate McRae), consider this your sign to dive into our less than lovely-dovey Valentine’s Day cocktail line-up. These eight recipes may sound jaded, but don’t be fooled – we still love love (and delicious drinks).

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1. Death in the Afternoon cocktail recipe

Infamously grumpy, allergic to flowery language, and known for marrying (and divorcing) and drinking, Ernest Hemingway’s blunt prose, dark stories and ruthless approach to cocktails make him the perfect poster child for this line-up. His Death in the Afternoon cocktail – yep, named after his bullfighting book, go figure – is strangely perfect for the occasion. Absinthe, sugar, Champagne and a cheeky, froofy rose-petal garnish? Love never tasted so good.

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2. Dark ’n’ Stormy cocktail recipe

The Dark ‘n’ Stormy may look like sugar and spice and everything nice, but it’s actually a damn good sipper. Spicy and sweet, with a bitter bite and a name that could sink your love life, this cocktail is as fiery as it is foreboding. A sailor once called it the “colour of a cloud only a fool or dead man would sail under,” and we think that says it all.

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3. Pornstar Martini cocktail recipe

‘Nuff said. The Pornstar Martini is all about embracing your wild side. A mix of vanilla vodka, passionfruit liqueur, lime juice, vanilla syrup and fresh passionfruit, it’s shaken with a lot of ice and served up next to a little side glass of bubbles. This is ideal for sipping while ignoring everything pink and frilly, and toasting yourself. But if you do get some mates over, check out our Pornstar Martini Spritz – it serves six.

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4. Blue Ribbon Old Fashioned cocktail recipe

Celebrating Galentine’s rather than Valentine’s? This baby is brought to you by our mate, Matt Linklater. As a bartender, we reckon Matt’s probably in the ‘fewer roses, more fun cocktails’ V-Day camp. Enter his decadent Blue Ribbon: part affogato, part Old Fashioned, part Espresso Martini, and all kinds of delicious deception. That cute mug and ice cream? It’s a drink we know the gals will get behind.

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5. Diablo Rojo cocktail recipe

What’s the best way to toast to Valentine's Day? Chilli puree. Not convinced? Meet the Diablo Rojo: spicy, smoky and bright crimson. It heroes bullhorn pepper puree and mixes in mezcal, paprika, coriander, lemon, and agave to pack a devilishly delicious punch. Serve it fiery for the brave, or tame it for the fainthearted – you can expect sweat, tears, and “that’s hot” moments. Paris and Nicole would be proud.

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6. Zombie cocktail recipe

If your Feb 14 playlist includes at least one track from The Cranberries, you’re going to love the Zombie. It’s a towering mix of white and dark rum, lime, falernum, grapefruit, pineapple, bitters, Ricard and grenadine. Built in the glass over plenty of ice, it demands a serious garnish of mint sprig, grapefruit slice, pineapple wedge, cherries, lime wheel, pineapple leaf and, of course, the ultimate cocktail accessory: the mini umbrella. All that’s left is to crank up ‘No Need to Argue’.

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7. Penicillin cocktail recipe

Need an antidote to Valentine’s Day? Enter the Penicillin cocktail. Bold, strong and packed with flavour, this is a modern spin on classics like the Whiskey Sour and Hot Toddy. Created by Aussie bartender Sam Ross in the early 2000s at New York’s Milk & Honey, it swaps bourbon for smoky blended Scotch and a layer of depth to the usual ginger, honey and lemon mix. The result? A perfect balance of smoky, sour, bitter and sweet.

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8. Dirty Shirley cocktail recipe

We’re wrapping things up with a grown-up Shirley Temple. Vodka (or gin, if that’s more your thing) joins muddled cherries for a drink that’s fizzy, fruity and flirty, all topped with ginger beer, lime and grenadine. It’s like a boozy creamy soda. We reckon this is perfect for sipping with your best mates while you try to guess who’s on a Tinder date.