Cue a girls’ trip, a golden bachelor and a football GOAT.
Reality television, whether highbrow (the slick documentaries) or *ahem* lower (season one of Is It Cake?) is some of the best escapism for when life feels very busy. Sure, you could say we’re drawn to the drama because it makes our own lives seem less chaotic, or that it’s mindless entertainment that means we don’t have to think (is that a bad thing?). But the reality (pardon the pun) is, these dating shows, talent competition series, fly-on-the-wall documentaries, and everything in between are snackable, topical and a huge part of the zeitgeist. The who-lebrities they produce become pop-culture legends, cautionary tales, or global phenomenons (hello Harry Styles!).
For your enjoyment, we’ve rounded up five of the best reality offerings out now and paired them with the drink that matches the show's quality in every way. Kidding! Totally kidding, the drinks are far, far more curated, perfected and precisely made.
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1. ‘House of Villains’ and a punchy ice tea
It is one thing to go on reality TV and hope the world falls in love with you, or at least, that you don’t embarrass yourself. It is quite another to go on a show and do whatever you can – lie, cheat, betray, abuse and act a fool – in an attempt to stay on TV. Because the one thing every “reel” show needs, but few are willing to do, is be the villain. Do it well and you could keep yourself on-air for decades, just like the majority of the cast of House of Villains. The new reality show (which appropriately kicked off on Friday, October 13) is a mash-up of Celebrity Big Brother, Survivor and, based on the first challenge, Ninja Warrior. The prize is $200,000 and these cut-throat baddies are all out for themselves. Casting highlights include Vanderpump Rules longtime dummy Jax (Sandoval doesn’t see himself as the bad guy), Omarosa of The Apprentice notoriety (she was also Trump’s political aide – real bad-guy stuff), Tiffany “New York” Pollard of Flavour of Love and subsequently I Love New York fame (her cutting one-liners and colourful altercations have seen her do no less than 15 reality shows), and Corinne, the nasty hottie who was making no friends on Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor (arguably, Nick is a bigger villain). In honour of this “misrepresented”, “misunderstood” bunch who will no doubt be spilling the tea on each other at every opportunity, we’re advising you watch with a Brookvale Union Vodka Peach Iced Tea in hand (you know, a real tea). Produced by 4 Pines Brewing Co. it’s a pure recipe of vodka, black tea and peach juice. It’s punchy but sweet, light but dark, straight but spicy. A super-tasty dichotomy you’ll crave every time you see someone stir the pot on a reality from here on out.
Watch it on: Hayu
2. ‘Real Housewives of New York’ and a Caribbean happy-hour special
The latest season of RHONY, which features a whole new cast, has really given the franchise new life. Expect sophisticated, chic businesswomen, some of whom are mothers and wives, enjoying each other’s company. Season 14 is Real Housewives for people who have never watched Real Housewives. But be warned, once you dip your toe into the Bravo universe, you quickly end up swimming laps. It’s a trope of the series that the women always holiday together, usually somewhere tropical. For the New Yorkers this season it’s Anguilla, and they stay there for an unprecedented three episodes, and spend all the rest after talking about it. While there, someone throws someone else in the pool, a phone is stolen for a prank and sunglasses are taken for payback (maybe the “sophisticated” claim was a stretch). The women visit Elvis' Beach Bar in episode 11 and try their world-famous Rum Punch, they also have an argument that divides the group (literally, Jenna and Erin go and sit at the other side of the bar). We can’t fly you to Anguilla (nope, not even in coach), but we can give you a darn good dupe for Elvis’ rum punch with Kraken Caribbean Punch cans. Mango, coconut and pineapple bedded by the delicious hum of spiced rum. The fruit in this isn’t confectionised, but natural and fresh tasting, so it’s not too sweet, just really “yummy”, as Brynn would put it, and perfect for sipping as you watch the bound-to-be-wild reunion eps.
Watch it on: Foxtel, Binge or Hayu
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3. ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race UK’ and a pet nat that doesn’t f*** it up
They aren’t the best dancers, their looks are rarely world class, and they often can’t lip sync, but my god, the UK queens’ banter is next to none. Their normal conversations with each other are often way more impressive than anything they bring to the runway, which is why the UK edit spends more time in the dressing room than any other country’s edition (and there’s a lot of them). The pace of their comebacks, the delivery of their one-liners – it’s comedic genius and it means they're forgiven for not knowing how to use a sewing machine. Season five started on September 28 and while it’s hard to pick a frontrunner, Cara Melle (UK’s first-ever Black trans competitor and a fierce favourite in the local drag scene) and Kate Butch (potentially one of the funniest queens to grace the Drag Race stage) are worth watching season five for alone. New Neon Nature Marlborough Pinot Noir Pet Nat on the other hand, is the All Star’s All Star. Bright and bubbly, it dances like Brooklyn Heights on the tongue, it’s lively and sweet like Bimini Bon Boulash, moreish like Baga Chipz and truly unique, like a Willow Pill performance. It’s a pet nat with a lot of riz that’s sure to gain a cult following. You can say you stanned it first.
Watch it on: Stan
4. ‘The Golden Bachelor’ and a feel-good brew
For the first time, The Bachelor actually makes sense. Here, in the latest edition of the American series, 72-year-old widow Gerry Turner (pronounced “Gary”, go figure), who is retired but has lots of hobbies, is looking for love among a group of smart, beautiful, vibrant and charismatic women aged 60 to 75. The connections are sweet, the experiences genuine, and the stories epic because we’re dealing with people who have lived big lives, as opposed to the 25-year-olds on the original series who are waiting for life to start. It premiered on September 28 and is climbing in the ratings each week. It’s a really good series and it’s also feel-good, because the producers have clearly chilled on the nasty manipulation tactics. You know what else is good? And, actually, also golden? Largo The Dawdler Low Carb Beer: a carbon-neutral beer from an environmentally-focused brewery that runs on solar panels, recycles 99.5% of its waste and offsets any emissions they can’t eliminate. Largo is the new baby of Aussie band Lime Cordiale’s Oli and Louis Leimbach. They make music and now they make ethical beer. The kind you want to drink while watching septuagenarians get another chance at love. Wholesome. And a little bit weird.
Watch it on: TBC on whether it will get picked up in Australia, so for now, watch on America’s ABC via a VPN
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5. ‘Beckham’ and the GOAT of British cocktails
It’s been a great year for football (or soccer) in Australia. First, the Matildas had us all watching the FIFA Women’s World Cup and now we’re all watching a four-part documentary series on the world’s most famous (at least most marketable) football player of all time, David Beckham. Made by Fisher Stevens, an actor and director who also played Hugo in Succession (weird crossover), this is a very insightful, entertaining and open look at the career of the very loveable David Beckham. The fact that it’s made by an American who didn’t come to the project as a football fan means it’s a very approachable documentary for someone who only knows about football from Ted Lasso. You’ll come away loving how normal Victoria and David’s relationship is, wincing from how brutal fame was in the ’90s and ’00s, thinking all managers are egotistical nightmares and really feeling like you need to trim your candle wicks before bed (David, it turns out, is a bit high maintenance). But the overwhelming takeaway is man, this guy was amazing at football. The true British GOAT. If he was a drink, he’d undoubtably be a Pimm’s Lemonade & Ginger Ale. Beloved by the masses, an icon of the nation, a unicorn: Pimm’s is unexpectedly herbaceous, and David was unexpectedly an oughts fashion darling. Pairing the two for a night on the couch could not be more perfect. Chin chin!
Watch it on: Netflix
